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| | Jack Isshō DONE | |
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Jaffe Bounty: 140,000,000
Posts : 45 Join date : 2010-05-11
| Subject: Jack Isshō DONE Fri May 14, 2010 4:41 pm | |
| ---------------------------------------------------- Name: Jack Isshō Alias/Nicknames: "Fire Angel" Jack Age: 17 Job/Occupation: Doctor Affiliation: Pirate Crew: Master Pirates - Captain Maxwell ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Personality: Jack is a very cold, callous, dispassionate figure, and is rather aloof, brooding, and indifferent, willing to harm both his comrades and enemies should they ever get in his way. He refers to anyone he does not find interesting as "trash" and treats them as expendable. When he is with his crew, what is at the moment only him, and some interested dudes, he loves to party, and just chill. If he gets into fight, he likes to get messy.. Jack has a strange habit of killing victims he is particularly interested in by stabbing them with his bare hand in the same location as his tattoo "Dead, but still chill." is, as stated by some of his friends. Whether he is consciously aware of this habit or not is unknown. During a speech to one of his friends, he claims he does not believe in human emotions, which he refers to as the "heart", reasoning that if his eye cannot see them, then they do not exist. These words, and much of Jack' overall behavior, can lead one to assume that he is a firm believer in the concept of materialism. In the last seconds of his life, he seemed to have finally found his own "heart" and understood feelings. His cold demeanor allows him to stay completely calm and in control in most situations, and he is not easy surprised or caught off-guard. However, he does not seem to comprehend the human trait of fighting against all odds or the very concept of a Human heart/emotions; during his latest battle with humans, he completely overwhelms them after releasing his powers, yet one thug continues to fight on regardless. This briefly causes him to lose his cool, causing him to shout at the thug out of frustration that "to continue fighting is pointless". He then uses his true power, in an attempt to show him "true despair". He also seems to contradict himself, telling the thug that it's natural for humans to mimic homunculis to become stronger; but they will never be the equal of hollows, though the homunculi are doing much of the same by imitating gods. Jack is also highly perceptive, cunning, and analytical. During his and his Friend's first visit to the human "world", as he likes to call it, he makes several surprisingly accurate remarks on the humans who confronted them. Jack seems to be demanding as well, such as when he came to thug's chamber and ordered him to eat a meal an homunculi servant brought in, claiming that, it was his "duty" to stay alive. When the thug hesitated, he threatened to force the food down his throat, or strap him to a table and feed him via an IV. This also implies that, while he prefers not to dirty his hands, Jack is fully capable of committing truly abhorrent and inhumane actions without feeling any shred of remorse or hesitation. He also is very agile, and somehow, he knows the weakpoints of human, very closely. He has been working in hospital. Birth date: Unknown- Birthplace: North-Blue, Island unknown.} Family/Relatives: All dead. He would want to join Maxwell's pirates --------------------------------------------------------------- Likes: Chilling. Girls. Blood. Music. Dislikes: Annoying people. Hobbies: None. Favorite Food: Pizza. Favorite Music: Metal. Special Skill: When he was working at hospital, he got somewhat information about human's weakspots. He is very agile. ----------------------------------------- Appearance: Gender: Male. Height: 192cm. Weight: 73kg. Blood Type: A Body Type: Average Character Strength: Godly. (Read my rp, if it helps :3) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Biography: When Jack was a child, he were usually fighting, or just spending time, travelling, and walking around.. Or sleeping. There isnt much to say about Jack, when he was a child, but when he were 15 years old, something happened. Jack went to hospital, and started to work there. After one year of studying and working, something tragedic happened. Militants killed his family. This were something that he didnt like, at all. He became really cold, and went after the militants. The leader of them was someone called "Blackskull Bull". Jack started to train, and decided to include his new skills with his fighting. After half year training, he were ready. He were armed only with his fists. He had created own way to fight. He started to travel. When he reached their last destination, it were like he would have found Gol D. Roger's treasure. Jack were grinning. He went to the doors, and guards hesitated to let him in. Jacques glared into the other guard's eyes. There were two words that left Jack's mouth. "Fuck. You." The guard tried to shoot Jack, and in a blink of an eye, Jack's hand were on his chest, and went through. Other guard shot on Jack, and Jack fast went to ground, the guard shot his friend. The expression of guard were scared and his skin were pale. Jack fastly used his palm to crush his nose. The guard fell to ground. He took the gun, and reloaded it. It took a while, but when it was done, the lock of door were shot down. Jack walked inside of the little camp. "Boo." He said, as he ambushed two guards. He punched them on their backs, making them to lean backwards, then he hit them on their necks. Two dead guards. Jack continued his way towards the boss' tent. Jack went inside, and the tent were empty. He saw only crate, that got a paper on it. "Do not touch." Jack opened it, and found a Devil Fruit. He didnt know what it was, and he took a bite from it. "BLARGH!" He said, and tried to spit the fruit off from his mouth. He forgot it fastly, and continued his chase. At last, after many guards, he found the leader. He went in front of him, looking him at eyes. "Remember me?!" He said, and in a blink of an eye, his hand were on his neck. He threw him on the wall, and turned towards him. He started to feel strange, and he gave a look at his hands. They were on somekind of fire. Jack grinned, and looked at the boss of the enemy. He wanted to try something. He put his hand on fist, and punched towards his enemy. There were little fireball on the air, flying towards his enemy. It exploded, and set the tent on fire. Jack started to run away, as he heard guards screaming for help and running towards the tent. Jack escaped, alive, with Devil Fruit powers. Fighting style: Fists, Fruit powers. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RP Sample: This is from naruto rpg site, so i hope it doesnt matter. - Spoiler:
He had brought the Feitans body to his camp. He hided it well and would continue the puppet when he had sometime. He went to the body. He thought what he could do to it to make it more powerful. He actually knew what to do. He took a sharp stone from the ground. He went to make it sharper and making it to form of a knife. He made the items that he needed to make a puppet from Feitan. He left them on the table. He had been doing those items for seven or ten hours now, and they were master pieces. Sanmaru went to sleep. He wanted only to rest now...
Creating his first puppet: Feitan, or actually Taka. (Hawk)
Part 1, Making the dead body alive.
Sanmaru woke up after finishing his Katon training. (What is still in progress -.-') The sun were shining, there were a little clouds on the sky. The day were beautiful. It were a special day to Amegakure. Normally there is a rain in amegakure so these days are rarely. Sanmaru step out of his tent, eating a sandvich. Yawn. Sanmaru were tired as hell. He have been doing such many things in a week. But he cant give up. He must continue. (Thriller Start!) Sanmaru had finished his sandvich. He ran a little lap, something about six kilometres. He went to swim, only for a little while. He did stink before that.. And he will stink again. It will not be very clean week. Sanmaru would have to do a Marionet.. From his old "Friend's" body. Sanmaru drink a cup of water, after finishing that, Sanmaru went to the body. He had to make the puppet able to use chakra. Of course, its able to use chakra even without Sanmarus help, but with help of Sanmaru, it would be able to use more Chakra. This was maybe the hardest way, because he had harmed him in the fight pretty badly. He opened the chest of Feitan. He put his right hand in, trying to make a chakra source inside of Feitan. He used over half of his chakra. Something around 60-70 percents. It were hard, but it were not over. Sanmaru would have to took all of the organs out from his body and make it a weapon. It werent something that kid would watch. Sanmarus hands were already bloody, all around. He were grinning little evily. He took the heart off. Carefully. It were beautiful organism. Sanmaru had cut the organisms around it carefully off. Sanmaru moved the heart out from his way, and the chakra that were around the body, started to gather into the place that Sanmaru were pointing. He had been doing this for a while already. This were his way to make the puppet able to generate chakra and so on. He needed much more chakra so this would not be a one day job. He generated 50% of chakra he had put inside of Feitans dead body into the chest, causing it to be reflexible and able to generate chakra to that area. He cut all of the organisms off. He took his hand off from Feitans body. He started to think, what he should do to that part. He got one idea. He made the body so that Sanmaru would be able to add anything, anytime he would want. He had avoid the bones infront of organisms and now he knew what he would do. He breaked all of them. He put them aside. He would make weapons from those. He would make a doll from human body so the bones werent needed. He went to the outside and cutted few trees down. It took a little time but now he would be able to do knees and so on. Sanmaru went to the body, took the bones, made them sharper, almost like kunais. He took the smaller knife from the table. The blade of it were only about 5mm wide and were good for joints. Sanmaru made little wooden balls to be in the place of joints. They would make the fingers, and everything to move like a doll. He put them into the joint points of hand first. When he had done that, he took wire from the table and sew the parts together. He sew the chest too. The finger were fully reflexive now. Sanmaru grinned evily, knowing that this puppet would work, actually. He made the another fingers too. He made hidden weapon on the finger tips. He put small, senbon like bones on them. The puppet would be able to grab everything easily. They were 3-4 cm long, as long as the first part from finger. It made the puppet able to move his fingers as Sanmaru just wanted. He also wanted to add few weapons in the puppets hands too. He would make them when he would have finished with the joints. Sanmaru took the another hand and made the same that he had done for the another hand. Sanmaru were proud of this what he had done already. He also replaced the whole hands joints, making the hand little harder to broke. You know, if the joint of your hand (One of the largest, in the center.) brokes its almost impossible to repair. But back to the thread. Sanmaru added the wooden part to the another hand, too. Sanmaru wanted that the Feitan, or Taka, would be able to use Feitans original techniques, and that was the reason for adding chakra around the body. Sanmaru went for the legs, he took the bones off, replaced them with wood. Sanmaru had a special style. He were making a scales of bones for extra defense. He covered the wooden parts, like replaced bones, with thin bone scales. Sanmaru replaced the knee with bigger wooden ball. It were perfect. The "knee" were moving perfectly, like arms of the marionet. Sanmaru replaced also the feet. Legs were a place that Sanmaru didnt want to attach any weapons. Yet. He also added little of the chakra that he had insert inside of the body, to leg. When he had done that, he went to the another leg. He made the same. Sanmaru sew the legs and secured the body. He wanted to have a little rest. He hid the marionet making place. He went to sleep. Only thing that he did remember before he fall asleep were the goal of his. Perfect Marionet.
Day Two.
Sanmaru had woke up a hour ago. He were in a pretty good mood right now. He went to the body again. He had done arms, chest and legs. Remaining places were stomach, neck, back and head. Then it would be time for adding weapons. Sanmaru cut the stomach wide open, took the organisms away and put little chakra inside it. These were pretty difficult place to make, because there would be alot of wood to need. Sanmaru had to do about one or two centimetres long wood pieces for getting the stomach to work, actually. He made them in one hour. He put them in their places, glueing them with chakra. When they were together, Sanmaru made something jelly-like glue, and put it in those pieces. It were little like joints. It were flexible, so the body would be able to crouch. The stomach were done, and Sanmaru moved to neck. He opened it carefully. This were pretty important place in making a Marionet. Sanmaru removed the adam's apple. He made the parts of neck like he made the stomach. Feitans body were full of wood and thin bone scales. Sanmaru put his hand in the head of Feitan. This would remove Feitan from the world. Sanmaru removed the chin. This were the part he didnt like. He had to remove all of the teeths and the gums. When he had done that, he replaced the mouth with wooden like mouth, that would open like all of the puppets mouth does. He cut the cheeks open and made the mouth flexible, able to generate chakra from there, for like jutsus that reguire mouth. Or just for talking. Mouth were done now. Sanmaru moved for the eyes. Sanmaru made the eyes to look a like. They were the real eyes, actually. Sanmaru just used a lil bit chakra to keep them on. They were only original part on the body. The skin had been replaced with wood and bones, and so were the flesh. Sanmaru were almost done now. He opened the skull. He carefully removed the brains and put them aside. He made the same thing that he had made for the chest. He put some of his chakra inside there. Sanmaru removed the organisms inside head, expect eyes. He put wooden to cover the head. And again, the bone scale. There were only over 100 bones left.. Sanmaru had done the body part now. Its time for weapons now.
Part 2, Creating the killing machine.
Sanmaru opened the arm again. He had already a plan, about what he would do. He went to the bone table, took one of the biggest bones and made a thirty-centimetres long blade from it. It were sharp as kunai, or katana. The width of it were about six-centimetres. Sanmaru hid it in the arm. When he would want it would come out from there, little like some assassins had in the middle age. This were just pretty much bigger one. He made it on the right hand. Sanmaru tried how it would work; It worked perfectly. There were a self created lock that would open only if Sanmaru would want it to do so. It were a mechanism of wooden and bones: When the hand moves in right direction, it would come out. Sanmaru sew it and went for the another arm. He made the same thing. The hands were armed now. Sanmaru went to the head. He opened the mouth of his Marionet, and took little wooden from the table. He took a four-centimetres width bone. It were like a long, straight spike. He put it on the palate. He made a hole in the center of it. He put same like bone inside of it, expect this one were three-centimetres width. Hole on it, another bone: This time two-centimetres width. Last one but not the least one.. One-centimetres width. They were all having holes so they would go in a really small space, hiding it. It would be a surprise for enemy when he saws it. Sanmaru went for the chest now. He didnt know what to build for first. Then he get an idea. He made a mechanism that would put ribs out when the enemy gets too close. He put them on their real places, only changing the way the would go. So if the enemy gets too close, Taka is able to stab its ribs through of the enemy. He made same like system in the back of Taka. So when Sanmaru activates this system, Taka becames a little like hedgehog. The spikes of this "hedgehog" is just little more dangerous.. Sanmaru went for the legs. He wanted to add one thing on them. He put a extra bone scales to there. He put few of thems in that position, that if Taka hits some one with them, it will make bad scars on the area, it has hit. They were sharp. Sanmaru hid them with extra wood and when the time is right, they can be used as a weapon. Normally they work as extra defense as well. Sanmaru left few bones for later upgrading. He were finished with this one now, too. He put the bones aside, hiding them well for intruders. He were done with this part now, too. The next part were only decorations for the puppet. It would not be long but still, they got to be personal, you know?
Part 3, Making it kewl.
Sanmaru wanted to make few "cool things" on it. Sanmaru took the puppet for outside, near to the lake. He washed the scars, tooking blood away from it. He also secured the parts that were easiest to see. He put little more cloth on the suit. He also dryed the wood to little darker. It were darker than normal and clean! Sanmaru took a cleaning swim, too. He were covered with blood, and bone fragments. He had some own scars, too. Example, when he had been doing the blades for arms, he got over five scars. The water were warm. Sanmaru took a long "bath". He closed his eyes for a while and after about ten minutes, he get off from the water. He dried himself. He put the clothes on and went back to the body, tooking a wood fragment from the ground and little grass. He combined them to make a brush. Sanmaru were next to the body now. This part would not be long but still, lets tell about it. Sanmaru took a wood fragment, or brush that he had made, from the table. He draw few kabuki like decorations on Takas face. He also wanted to make a clothing for it. He took the Feitans clothing off. He made it lighter, so Taka would be faster. Sanmaru dyed the hair of Takas black, and put the clothes on. He changed the blue, to darker. Sanmaru were proud of his first puppet. He were happy when it did succeed with first try. It would not be nice to destroy such a good body. Sanmaru continued the decoration making. The Marionet. It were dark blue, almost black actually, Marionet now. Sanmaru made a mark that he would make to all of his Marionets. He also added the teeths back to mouth, giving little more defence for lips. They were not defended with such a defense as everything else. Sanmaru also made a cape that would hide Taka for sudden strikes. The cape were black, hiding the body of Taka. It had a hood also. It hid the weapons too. Dark Angel with a Scythe on her right hand and cross on left hand. Last thing to do would be the controlling of it. It will not be easy.
Part 4, Giving a life to my Marionet.
Sanmaru took the Marionet, stepping outside. The first thing to do would be connecting the chakra lines. It were harder than it heards. Sanmaru would have to make several chakra lines to connect every single part. He actually had few tactics how to do that but lets talk about them later. Sanmaru tried to concentrate a little chakra first. When he had done that he tried to connect the lines. Sanmaru were standing about four metres ago from Marionet. He tried to connect them, and for first glance, it were like he would have done that. But in the real life. He failed. The Chakra had blew away and chakra had burn Sanmarus finger tips. He had been trying too much. He tried again. This time there were a good amount of chakra. Sanmaru tried to connect the chakra strings, failing. Again. Then he tried once more. This time there were a perfect amount of chakra. Sanmaru tried to connect the Chakra with the puppet. Sanmaru had fail.. One time more. Three failures in a row. Sanmaru were thinking about the reason. He knew what were wrong: He had been doing the Marionet for a whole day. It really takes all of the strength away. Sanmaru were almost asleep and tried to keep awake. He went to the tent, hiding the Taka again. He fall asleep as fast as possible. Smiling. Morning, when he had wake up, he took his sandvich.. Like every morning, day, or evening. He loved sanviches.. But back to the topic again. The day were beatiful again, this time there were not even clouds on the sky. Little wind in air and not even a piece of cloud in Sanmarus sight. He started the day with running a little lap around the wood.. Six kilometres. Sanmaru went to the place where he had hid the Taka. It seemed like no-one would even saw it. Sanmaru took it with him to the training place and when Sanmaru were ready to try Marionet controlling again. First he made little chakra on his finger tips. Then he tried it. He saw when the chakra started to gain length and just before they touched the Marionet, they disappeared. Poof. They were gone. Sanmaru knew that he would not do it at his first try and gave it another try. He made the same as last time. Sanmarus face were full of hope. It worked. The chakra lines were in Taka now. Sanmaru tried to raise it on two feets. He were excited about what would happen. Taka stood up. Sanmaru were happy about this. He tried to raise right arm. It raised. He made walked few hundred metres with it. Then he wanted to test the weapons of his Marionet. He made the weapons of arms come out. He tried to cut one of the remains of his earlier training puppets. He used the Marionet to cut one of those head off. It were perfect. The day, Marionet, everything. Sanmaru thought how to carry the Marionet with him. He knew what to do. He prepared a "ceremony". For what? Summoning. Sanmaru would summon the Marionet to him always when he needs it. He made few applies on the back of Marionet. They would disappear in the first fight or even earlier, but it were needed for Summoning. When they have been drawed once, it will always be same. Sanmaru took Feitans blood, and his own. He made a mark on the back of Taka. This werent normal Summoning. This were only like those scroll ones. Sanmaru would have to use the same hand always. He took the smallest of his rock knives and made symbols in his right arm. He were now able to summon the Marionet. He still wanted to try. The scroll were replaced with arm. Sanmaru put chakra on the symbols, so even the arm would blew up, the summoning would still work.. When Sanmaru had made the symbols on his left arm. Sanmaru hid those symbols under his bandages. He were done. His first puppet ever. And he were able to control it like normal Marionet user. He tried one thing also. He tried to re-place the Chakra lines as fast as possible. So if the Chakra lines are destroyed he would be able to reconnect them. Sanmaru were done. He cleaned the place. He hid the bones for later use. He were now done. He went back to the Amegakure.
E: I edited the avatar, the first one was corrupted EE: Changed it again.. The last one didnt went too good with my profile and bio and so on :3
Last edited by Jaffe on Sat May 22, 2010 5:34 pm; edited 6 times in total | |
| | | Maxwell Bounty: 750,000,001
Posts : 122 Join date : 2009-04-19 Age : 31 Location : If you don't turn around, you wont know...
| Subject: Re: Jack Isshō DONE Sat May 15, 2010 12:40 am | |
| This sheet seems so...Unoriginal. Your early history matches Roanoa Zolo's almost exactly. For the entire thing, it almost seems as if you just copied and pasted from some other site...Please be more original. | |
| | | Doctor Nikelgeist Bounty: 690,000,000
Posts : 85 Join date : 2010-04-20
| Subject: Re: Jack Isshō DONE Sat May 15, 2010 2:18 am | |
| Let us begin shall we?
------------------------------------------------------------- Firstly, let's stay consistent. You constantly refer to yourself as both Jack and Jacques. Is Jacques. Is Jacques the character's full name? Or is it another alias? Please make changes accordingly. If it is an alias, say so in the section devoted to nicknames and aliases.
Personality Also, the part about considering those beneath him as "trash" is a good point. Such a vain character would fit well in Maxwell's crew. I would recommend rewriting the personality to emphasize that point. Remember, even a "bad" trait like vanity can make for an interesting character.
Another trait you could emphasize is the character's nihilistic views on emotions. How he feels about emotions could be used to give the character a cold, calculating feel to him.
Also the bit at the end about the homunculi. While serving to show a certain side of the character, does not fit. This is unless... you're character has the habit of creating mad blasphemies of medicine. If you gave your character a Doctor Frankenstein-like quality, it would all work out. But this would require a total rewrite of the character's past.
Biography You say you want to be a doctor for Maxwell's crew. Yet, your character's history holds no indication of such. The character did not study under a doctor, and he apparently showed no interest in learning the medical sciences. In fact, the entire biography seems to lead you character to the path of a swordsman or some other martial artist.
Now, you could change your character to be another swordsman. BUT! I wouldn't recommend it. We have so many swordsmen already... another one would be lost in the crowd. I would recommend a complete and total rewrite of your biography from scratch. Now, this may be difficult but the pay off will be worth it. You could include a great history which really sets you character up as a man of science. You could also have it were he can construct his own homunculi servant (for non-combat purposes, of course) and we should approve it.
Closing Remarks If you rewrite you personality a bit, and create a new biography to better fit your character, you could become a dynamic, sinister doctor that overshadows even myself. If you need any help with ANY part of this process, I am certain that Maxwell will be happy to assist you. He is more knowledgeable with One Piece and its lore and is a more experienced role player, so feel free to hound him with questions and pleas for assistance as you improve your sheet. | |
| | | Maxwell Bounty: 750,000,001
Posts : 122 Join date : 2009-04-19 Age : 31 Location : If you don't turn around, you wont know...
| Subject: Re: Jack Isshō DONE Sat May 15, 2010 10:27 pm | |
| Actually, don't hound me. I'd more then likely ignore it. If you have any questions, either post it in this thread, or discuss it with peers in the C-Box. I'm sure they'll have something to say. | |
| | | Jaffe Bounty: 140,000,000
Posts : 45 Join date : 2010-05-11
| Subject: Re: Jack Isshō DONE Tue May 18, 2010 10:36 am | |
| Doneeee... Edited also :3 | |
| | | Maxwell Bounty: 750,000,001
Posts : 122 Join date : 2009-04-19 Age : 31 Location : If you don't turn around, you wont know...
| Subject: Re: Jack Isshō DONE Tue May 18, 2010 5:25 pm | |
| Okay...I will allow this under the condition that I will be a bit more strict on your fruit. Mainly because I have enough members in my crew that have devil fruits.
So...APPROVED~! | |
| | | Doctor Nikelgeist Bounty: 690,000,000
Posts : 85 Join date : 2010-04-20
| Subject: Re: Jack Isshō DONE Tue May 18, 2010 8:55 pm | |
| If Maxwell approves, then I....
APPROVE! | |
| | | Jaffe Bounty: 140,000,000
Posts : 45 Join date : 2010-05-11
| Subject: Re: Jack Isshō DONE Wed May 19, 2010 1:14 am | |
| YAY. Cookies for you two ^^ | |
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